White Family Coat of Arms - Jim White, Miwaukee WI

.Swift White Fox III in Head-dress, Jim White, Milwaukee, WI

Swift White Fox III - Jim White Milwaukee, WI

Swift White Fox aka Jim White of Milwaukee, Wisconsin

 Stunning stories and background information on James D. White a/k/a Swift White Fox or GYM
White Family Crest
Stories from SWF
Jackie White's Page
Stuff About "GYM"
Guest Book
Photo Album

Stuff About "GYM"

  :: About James D. White ::

Stories, thoughts, wishes, memories 

 Aliases: Swift White Fox III Pop
  Jolting Jim Dad
  Boom-Boom Jimmy Duane
  Gym Whip-Whip
  Jim Yahoo
  Jimmy The Enforcer

 ::  Birthplace ::   Milwaukee, Wisconsin


Champion Athlete of FIVE sports:



 (see More about Boxing Career)



 (see More about Squash Career)



 (see More About Badminton and Coaching)



 (see More about Handball Career)



 (see More about Racquetball Career)


Teacher / Coach

 Swimming, Diving, Boxing, Racquetball, Squash, Badminton, Handball and Exercise (physical Fitness) for men, women and youngsters.

 :: Simple Facts ::


Gym is the ONLY known athlete in Wisconsin to win championships at the local, state and national level in five different sports.



Gym is Still NOT in the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame (July 2013)

           The Wisconsin Sports Authority who now governs the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame should be ashamed of itself for missing out on this NO-Brainer of a choice.



  To Make a Hall of Fame Nomination, click HERE


Jim passed away July 8, 2013.Read Milwaukee Journal Sentinel article


 :: Stories and Thoughts ::

 Stories, thoughts, wishes, memories

as shared by Family & Friends

#1   Dad Memories - by Michelle

#2   Letter from Dan

#3   Hall of Fame Nomination Letter

#4   Hall of Fame reference letter

#5   Inquiry about Dutch Harbor

#6   Dutch Harbor response

#7   Poem to Great Grandpa

#8   Letter from Gym to Family

#9   Former Fishing Partner

#10 Former Fishing Partner (again)

#11  Mind Control

#12  Krissy

#13  North versus South

#14  BOXING LESSONS for Stacy

#15  Cry Baby!

#16  The Challenge

#17  Lost Son

#18  Selling the House

#19  No More Mr. Nice Guy

#20  Chicken

#21  Just say NO to Gardening

#22  Your New Hobby - TV Cartoons

#23  Hose Guidance

#24  Steins Gardens?

#25  Hoes & Hoses

#26  Using AND Abusing Me

#27  Thorn

#28  Fans

#29  Customs and Traditions

#30  Stakes

#31  TREES

#32  Brown Thumb White

#33  Pickles

#34  Guacamole Dip

#35  Oblivion

#36  Worms

#37  Things You Don't Do

#38  Gardens

#39  Dining with Mom

#40  Handyman

#41  Training Guide for Security Job

#42  Fishing

#43  Daddy





Dad Memories


by Michelle


I have some very interesting memories about events that happened growing up.  They’re interesting because they stand out for reasons I can’t explain.


#1 – One evening when we were still living on 17th street I have a vivid memory of Dad walking in the door with a “gift” for me.  At this point in time I think there was me and 4 brothers.  I don’t think the sisters were born yet. Dad brought me a bag to carry my swim suit in when I went to the club to swim. It wasn’t my birthday, it wasn’t Christmas – I just couldn’t believe that I was getting a gift on a regular old day for no reason.  My brothers didn’t get a gift, just me.  I thought my Dad must really love me a lot!  I loved that bag and used it until it had holes in it. When I ask Dad about this memory today – it doesn’t stand out for him.  It was probably a leftover door prize from one of the events at the club.  BUT HE BROUGHT IT HOME TO ME!  I sure was special that day – I’ve never forgotten that day.


#2 – The first story reminds me of all the times I went to work with Dad on Saturdays so I could swim.  Now I did like to swim and going there was just about the only time we got to – BUT…… since it was a men’s club, the men got 12 floors and the women got the basement.  The basement was nice it had locker rooms, a small workout room and a big pool. Dad and I would drive to work and I would go to the basement and he would go to work.  Even though I was only with him for the ride and was practically alone for the rest of the stay – I looked forward to those days. I didn’t even get to ride home with him – I took the bus.  I took swim lessons and had some free swim time and would watch in amazement when the Dottie Hahn who “managed” that area would get a huge tray of food just for her.  I must have stared at her tray big time one day because she offered me a muffin or something.  I just couldn’t believe all that was for one person. In the winter I wouldn’t dry my hair before heading for the bus stop and my long hair would get icicles in it on the walk. One day during my free swim time I practiced the dead man’s float and did it so well that when I lifted my head they were at the side of the pool with the hook ready to pull me out J.


#3 – I also remember a time when we lived on 17th Street when my Mom must have been in the hospital giving birth to one of the girls.  Dad was in charge of us kids.  I had to be between 7 and 10 years old.  He asked me to clean the floors so that they would be clean when Mom and the baby got home.  I cleaned the floors and then he covered them with newspaper to keep them clean.  We all walked on newspaper for a few days until Mom came home – that was pretty interesting, especially for kids.


#4 – Another memory from that time period is not such a pleasant one.  Mom and Dad were fighting; it was a pretty bad fight.  I think Mom wanted to leave.  She yelled at me to get her suitcase.  I went and got this round suitcase that was obviously a women’s bag.  She yelled at me for bringing the wrong bag.  Dad yelled and told me to put it back. Mom yelled and told me to get a different one.  I was so frustrated at not knowing who to please and not pleasing anyone that I just sat on the steps with my head in my hands and gave up and did nothing.  I don’t remember what happened after that.


#5 – There was another time when Mom and Dad must have fought because Dad and I ended up staying at Auntie Rhea’s house.  The reason I remember is because of the extreme embarrassment I experienced.  Out of the 7 kids in our family there were 5 bed-wetters. I was one of them.  So at this time when I was probably around 6 years old – I still wet the bed.  Auntie Rhea knew this and did not want me peeing up her beds so Dad had to diaper me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING THAT WAS?  I still remember him putting that damn diaper on me.  He was probably embarrassed too that I was a bed-wetter at that age.


#6 – I remember the first time Dad took me to the Father/Daughter Dinner Dance at the MAC.  This was a very special annual event where we got to dress up and spend a special night with our Dad’s.  The reason I remember the first time is because of something I did that I’m sure embarrassed Dad.  We were sitting at a large round table with some of Dad’s friends and their daughters.  Dad ordered me a kiddy cocktail – my very first.  I grabbed the glass by the stem, slammed the drink down and then slammed the glass back on the table. Imagine his horror.  I was just doing what the cowboys always did in the movies when they had a “cocktail”.  So Dad gave me a little lesson on how “ladies” are supposed to hold the glass and sip the drink.  I had no idea until he showed me.  I learn quickly so I practiced holding my glass daintily and sipped my cocktails the rest of the evening.  I wonder if this is one of his memories that stand out because of embarrassment.


#7 – When we were living on 53rd Street and I was in 4th or 5th grade, Dick and I were very close.  We did everything together.  Well one day Dad came home with this little safe.  It was actually a little bank that looked like a big safe and had a combination lock. Dick was getting into magic tricks around this time and his friend had a book that told you how to open these kinds of locks without the combination. In addition to that I opened it up when it came and checked it out and read the directions and the combination.  The combination just stuck in my head.  I didn’t try to remember it but once I had it stayed with me. Dad started saving his money and he got quite a deep pile of quarters on the bottom of that safe and a bunch of bills. I not only had the combination to the bank but could open without it.  So once a day Dick and I would go in the safe and get 50 cents each.  We would then go to the corner drugstore and buy popsicles and comic books.  We did this everyday for a while – until one day all hell broke loose.  Apparently Dad opened the safe and a bunch of this money (bills too) was gone.  Unknown to me, not only was Dick going back later for a buck or two but Dan and maybe Jim too were in there taking $5 or so at a time. And here I was happy with my 50 cents a day while my buddy Dick was going back for more. Well that was the end of that joy ride – the bank went in the trash.


#8 – A story that ties into the last one….  One day after I got back to the house with my comic book and Popsicle, I heard Mom coming towards my room.  I quickly hid my Popsicle in my underwear drawer.  I don’t know what happened after that or how much time had passed but by the time I remembered or could get back to my popsicle it was completely melted all over my underwear (I think it was grape too).  I also don’t remember what I did about putting them in the wash to keep from getting busted, but I don’t remember getting in trouble for that.


#9 – Some very good times I had were just hanging out with Dad and Jackie playing hearts.  My friend Wendy Rose and I would just hang out with them and play doubles.  I enjoyed those times a lot.  In fact I enjoyed them so much that Wendy and I would skip school (high school) to stay home and hang out with Jackie. We had to stop when we found out we were getting Jackie in trouble with Dad.


#10 – When Dad and Jackie got married and headed off on their honeymoon, Dad’s friends took turns staying at the house with us.  The first one to stay was Pete Churchill – he was a sheriff’s deputy or some kind of court cop and a very nice guy.  I was hanging out with Wendy as usual and she decided she’d spend the night but needed to go home for fresh clothes.  I told her I’d take her so we hopped in the car and went to her house for fresh clothes.  The minute I left Dan squealed on me and told Pete.  The problem I guess was that I was maybe 15 or 16 and didn’t have a driver’s license and I took my Dad’s car.  I didn’t see what the big deal was but got a lecture from Pete when I got back and had to promise not to do it again (at least not on his watch).


#11 – My Dad had a scary face.  All of our friends were intimidated by him. Once when I was out partying with my friends and had a few too many beers to make it home – my friends brought me home.  They got me to the backyard where I laid not able to get up.  All of a sudden I heard “it’s Mr. White” and my friends split.  At the same time I was able to get to my feet and stumble my way inside.  Amazing what effect hearing “it’s Mr. White” with fear in their voice can have on a drunk.  Boy was I in trouble the next day……




Letter from Dan

Letter to my Father:

I remember when I was a child and wanted so much attention from you. So all of my life I worked hard to be accepted, get ahead, and get noticed. That's what you gave me Dad, a daily model of dedications, strength, honesty and hard work. That gave me confidence to get me ahead.

I realized later in life it was so hard for you to support us and give us individual attention all at the same time. I did not discover how hard it is to raise children until recently. Maybe that's why I was so quiet and still hated confrontations, (I'm better now). I have a reading/concentration or something deficit and could not read more than a paragraph or more without getting tired; losing focus. I'm not sure if you knew. Until this day I still have reading problems; can't stay focused. It makes me work that much harder to get ahead.

You have given me many things; many material, spiritual and moral, but even more, the many given unknowingly. I wish that I could properly express my gratitude for all the smaller but greater things you have given; memories, advice, direction, groundings.

My idol in life is you, Dad, for teaching me hard work, dedication and how to be a good person. I hope you're proud of me. Thank you so very much.

Your loving son,


  (Daniel White)


Hall of Fame Nomination Letter

by Jon White (July 21, 1997)


Dear Brian Manthey (President, Wisconsin Sports Authority & Wisconsin Hall of Fame):


Thank you for taking my call today.  I enjoyed talking with you regarding the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame and its future.  As I promised, I am forwarding the requested information regarding the nomination of Jim White for induction into the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame.


Upon your review, I am sure you understand why his nomination and admission to the Hall of Fame be the culmination of an outstanding athletic career.  Admission to the Hall is the honor due this special athlete who actively competed and won city, state, regional and national competition, and contributed to quality sportsmanship over the coarse of five decades winning in excess of 90 championships in five distinct sports of boxing, squash, badminton, handball and racquetball.


His impact on his sports was great.  His contributions to athletics extended beyond his personal participation and winning.  Jim White was an ambassador and promoter of local athletics.  He has organized clinics to include other champions to promote involvement and awareness of sports.  He has coached, taught and/or trained thousand of people throughout Wisconsin in each of the sports of which he is a champion, and extended his teaching to swimming and personal health & fitness training. Some students were competitive athletes pursuing his counsel, but most were 'weekend' athletes and kids looking to improve their modest skills by seeking guidance from a proven winner.


As I had stated to Mr. Joe Sweeney (your predecessor, Brian), Jim White is a product of Wisconsin and has given back tenfold to his home state.  He is a modest athlete who, although does not possess current marquee status, is quite deserving of this honor.  I ask that his nomination be given serious consideration by your panel and yourself.


Should you desire further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.  Thank you for your consideration.



Jon H. White



Hall of Fame reference letter

September 5, 1997


Brian Manthey, President

Wisconsin Sports Authority

901 North 4th Street

Milwaukee, WI 53203


Dear Mr. Manthey:


I am writing to you in reference to the nomination of Jim White for induction to the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame. I would like to alert the decision makers to the qualities of this candidate.


You have already received information and documentation on all of Jim White's athletic accomplishments of which there are many. I think the evidence speaks for itself as far as his athletic qualifications. I want to tell you about Jim White, the man.


I can start by describing his life long commitment to athletics. Jim White has been committed to athletics his entire life. As of the date of this letter, he is 70 years old and still going strong. He stays active with running or walking, biking and can still hold his own on the racquetball or squash court.


Who is Jim White? He is an athlete with the kind of commitment you rarely find. The kind of commitment you find only in champions.


I can also describe to you the inspiration he has given to many people. He has inspired me personally, my entire life. He's given me the drive and determination to succeed in life. To keep plugging away, working hard to achieve my goals. I can also tell you a recent story about a man that was so inspired by Jim White that just recently he looked him up to thank him for guiding him those many years ago when he was a young man, striving to be a successful boxer. Fifty years later! That man was still thinking of him and what he had done for him, 50 years ago.


Pride. That word is at the top of the list when I try to think of words to describe Jim White. He has a lot of pride. How much pride does he have? First think about how many people got rich being great squash, racquetball or handball players. How many of them were so well known that they got endorsement offers from large corporations? Can you name any? No, Jim White didn't get rich or make the TV news in these sports, yet he raised and supported his 8 children on a handball players salary. That's where the pride is evidenced. He managed to support his family unassisted while still winning tournaments because he was too proud to ask for assistance. His pride, drive and determination, saw him through.


While the sports Jim White is involved in are not recognized in the media the way many others are, this does not or should not, minimize his achievements.


Based on this personal information about Jim White as an individual along with his impressive achievements as an athlete, I am requesting that you give serious consideration to the nomination of Jim White to the Wisconsin Athletic Hall of Fame to validate these achievements.


While you may feel I am biased because I am Jim White's daughter, I feel that outside of the achievements on paper, who can better describe to you Jim White as an individual? I appreciate your consideration in this matter and if you should need any further information or validation, do not hesitate to ask.



Michelle Poe

      (Michelle White Poe Grillo)


Letter to GYM about Dutch Harbor



Hello, I think I am sending this to James White, Jr.

My name is Jennifer Sears Gilbert. My father is Calvin Sears. My dad died almost 6 years ago and I miss him so very much. I have been working on framing some pictures he made in Dutch Harbor to hang in my home.


I did a web search on "Dutch Harbor" to look for more an aerial photo and I was totally stunned to find a picture of the Dutch Harbor Boxing Team on your web site with my dad in the photo. He is the third from the left. I think he is standing next to your father. I remember my dad talking about boxing in Dutch Harbor and meeting Joe Louis. He remembered it so fondly and proudly. I just wish he could have seen your website. He would have been so excited to read about your father. I can tell from your website that you love your dad very much.

I would sure enjoy hearing from you and if your father remembers my dad I would appreciate any thing he could tell me about those days.


Jennifer Sears Gilbert

Jim White - Seabees Boxing Team WWII

US Navy Seabees

1944 Boxing Team

Dutch Harbor Alaska


Dutch Harbor response

Hi Jennifer:

I am Jim White, Sr., responding to email you sent to my son, Jon White.

Your email brought back a lot of good memories.  When I was shipped to Dutch Harbor in 1944, I was just 17.  Your father and I, as part of the boxing team, worked out at the gym just about every day.  We sparred against each other and went through the normal exercise routines that boxers go through to keep in shape. 

There's three things I didn't like about your father: 

   1. he was better looking than me,

   2. he was a better boxer than me,

   3. he was better built than me.

Other than that, your dad was a very nice guy who was always smiling and someone just enjoyable to be with.

The Navy guys were located on the south end of the island, the Marines were in the middle and the Seabees (me) were the north end of the island.  The Army was in a little island across the Bering Strait called Onalaska.

Like your dad, meeting Joe Louis was a big thrill.  After the fights all the fighters got to go to the chow hall to eat with Joe Louis and talk to him.

I'm really sorry to hear of your dad's passing and hope this helps you with some of your memories.


Jim White


Poem from Trina to Great Grandpa Gym

Some Great-Grandpa's By: Trina White

Some great-grandpa's sit on the couch,

Some great-grandpa's are a real grouch,

Some great-grandpa's have a belly of jelly,

Some great-grandpa's are kind of smelly,

Some great grandpa's don't like kids',

Some great-grandpa's are just like that,

But not my Great-Grandpa he is smart,

He always makes us laugh and smile so big,

I sure am glad we have him,

I will always remember my wonderful great-grandpa,

Just remember great-grandpa, I love you.

Trina White (7/10/04)

Letter from Gym to Family [March 2007]

I can't even begin to say how much this means to me, having the best people in my life join me to celebrate my 80th year.  Thank you all for being here with special thanks to Michelle & Joe for all this.


     When Michelle first told me we should celebrate my 80th birthday, I really didn't want anything... I said we should wait until my 85th, and she said "that's okay Dad, we'll have one then, too!"


     You are my very special family, very special friends and it makes me proud and humble having you all here.


Humor from Gym --


Former Fishing Partner

                       (handwritten from Gym to Chris Poe, 1/11/93) 


I have been waiting almost two months for an apology or explanation as to why you abused me so violently while trying to bring in that stingray.

I had to enter an abuse treatment center for Grandfathers that are abused by Grandsons.  I tried to go fishing on Lake Michigan here, but the memory of that night was too much to handle.  But worst of all, every time I look at my two fish tanks I break out in a sweat.

I'm sure I'll over come this some day, but in the meantime, my health is at stake.

I hope your conscience will guide you in further treatment of other would-be fishermen.

Your former fishing partner,

Mr. White

P.S.  Say Hi to Spring or is it Fall?

Former Fishing Partner (again)

                (handwritten from Gym to Chris Poe, 2/26/93)

Dear F.F.P

I must say I was greatly relieved that you finally got help and are in therapy.

The organization "Being Bossy Anonymous" is one of the best. We have a chapter up here. I don't know if you know this, but the disease you have can be cured.  It will happen when you finally get married; you will transmit this disease to your wife.  Women love having this disease and thrive on the fact that they can never be cured.  It happens to all married men, believe me I know!  Grandma has had the disease for twenty years and loves it.  Your Dad had the disease for a short time and infected your Mother with it, that's why she is so happy now.  Your girlfriend "Winter" will be getting B.B.A. soon and you will notice a gradual change.  Only men can be cured of B.B.A., women keep it for life, it grows stronger with age.

My therapy is not going so well, the shock treatments are terrible, I'm sick for days after it.  I don't mind that they tie me down and put a gag in my mouth, it's the ice cold water that I have to lay in that's rough.  Another one of my treatments is really scary, I have to go once a week to a Seafood Store and look at the dead fish.  The doctor said it won't be long before I can face live ones.  The one treatment I could not handle was when they were forcing me to watch Fishing Shows on T.V.  The fishermen always reminded me of you, and brought back memories that I just could not handle.  I'm sure with the treatments we are both getting, our problems will soon be over.

I hope someday we will be able to go fishing together when your over B.B.A.  It won't be easy for you to handle your own pole and leave mine alone.  It won't be easy for you not to push and shove me when your moving around the boat.  It won't be easy for you not to scream at me when all I'm doing is trying to help.  It won't be easy for you to keep calm when I'm handling the lantern at night to find out what's at the end of the line and you keep shouting that I'm not shining it on the right spot. It won't be easy for you when the boat does not stop and go as fast as you want.  So please keep up with  your treatments so I can get on with my fishing.

I have to close now-- its time for my medication.

Your Grandfather

Jim Sting Ray White

P.S. Keep your eye on Stacy.  She maybe getting the B.B.A. disease early because of in house influence.

(fyi.....FFP stand for Former Fishing Partner)


Mind Control

     (from Gym to Chris Poe) 1993

Hey Grandkid,

Yeah, yeah, you can use the family tribe name "S.W.F." but for you it means "Swishy White Floridian"!!

I suspected your sexual preference for some time, but refused to admit it to the family and myself.  What gave me my first clue are your heroes; Rock Hudson, Michael Jackson, Prince, Elton John, Jim Nabors, Truman Capote, Johnny Mathis, Tab Hunter, Montgomery Clift, Dick White, Anthony Perkins, Gore Vidal, Sal Mineo, Scott Hamilton, William Buckley, Charles Laughton, Van Johnson......  I could go on and on, but it really makes me ill!

Your lifestyle is your choice... I have no control over it, but do me a favor-- on my next visit please; no hugs or kisses-- I just couldn't handle that.

Mind Control

The watch is not a gift!  Its purpose is to show you how I can control and manipulate your thoughts from a thousand miles away!  Every time you wear the watch, you will think of me, no matter how hard you try not to.  I get great satisfaction having that power over you! 

Just try to wear it without thinking of me-- NOT!  It's impossible!! Ha,ha,ha-- Once again, I've got you whipped without laying a hand on you!

Chalk one more up for the old heterosexual, straight, cool and yes Swift White Fox!!!



                (from Gym to Chris, 1993)

Dearest Krissy

In trying to turn your feelings back on track as to your sexual preference, I got caught at work cutting these pictures out of magazines....  I am now considered a pervert!  No thanks to you.  Still, I hope the pictures I sent will do some good in changing your thinking.  At work, people are looking at me funny, (and I don't mean ha-ha funny) and talking behind my back-- its all very embarrassing, but if these pictures do the job, and help you in any way towards one step toward going the way of your True Sexual Nature, it will all be worth the shame I am going through.

Since the girls at work think that I have some kind of weird fetish, they are giving me their old underwear.  Grandma "J" found out, and she is hopping mad! 

Instead of calling me S.W.F., they are calling me W.F.S. (Weird Fetish Sicko).  The contents of this letter are for your Personal Pleasure.

When you are through studying them, give the pictures to Uncle Dick-- I'm sure he will enjoy the Photography!

A misdemeanor senior


 (NOTE:  Gym sent Chris Poe a whole large envelope full of pictures he cut out of magazines of models.  When Chris was around 10 or so Gym sent him a playboy magazine but he had gone through the magazine first and cut out all the inappropriate pictures)




             (from Chris Poe to Gym, 7/7/2004)

Hot Summer Night!  This is a fishing story. 

Boom Boom or Whip-Whip whatever you want to call him and I were out fishing on a dock down on Little Gasparilla Island one evening.  We were sipping on a few cold ones as I remember when all of a sudden Whip-Whip's line started humming.  This monster of a fish was pulling line faster than a race car on Sundays.  It took all of WW's strength just to hold on to the pole.

When the line was almost to the end I decided there was nothing else we could do but hop on the boat and chase this monster out to sea. So WW and I hopped on this boat and caught up to the fish. We could not see the fish because there was no light out, we were out on the high seas with no lights or anything. That was WW's idea, he forgot to bring batteries for the light. So, there we were in the ocean with this big fish on the line that WW could not pull up because he was too tired.

That's when he yelled at me. Started cursing and saying things I've never heard before. So I yelled back but it did not help matters. In fact it just infuriated him to no end. The big fish was getting the best of him and he didn't like it. What was he going to tell all his friends, when they heard that a fish kicked his butt, boy they would get a laugh.

So in a desperate attempt to escape embarrassment, WW threw me the rod and real. By throwing the rod and reel in my hands I would be the one who couldn't catch the fish, and be forever scarred for life. I was just getting my hands on the pole when Mom pulled up in another boat to see me struggling with this fish. WW was yelling at me the whole time. I was caught red handed with the fish on my line. The fish we still haven't seen. The next thing I did was pull this rod as hard as I could, it broke the line. We never got to see the fish that kicked WW's butt, or should I say my butt. Those of us there know the truth.

That is the end to our story, I hope you understand what really happened out there that dark night. 

See ya, Chris Poe

                                     (See below for Reply from Gym to Chris Poe, 7/7/2004)


                    (Reply from Gym to Chris Poe, 7/7/2004)

Hey Yo-Yo...

Stop telling lies about my fishing expertise!  You wouldn't know a hook from a sinker.  Apparently you've forgotten the time I caught a huge fish and had to throw it back BECAUSE it was so big.

Chrissy, do you want me to tell stories about our tennis matches and racquetball games?  It's only out of respect for your mother that I never got you in a ring. I would have hit you with so many lefts, you would be begging for right hands.

I really wish I could've played you one-on-one in Basketball, because that's my secret skill that I don't spread around.  You're LUCKY!

Love, Boom-Boom


             (from Gym to Chris Poe, 7/20/2004)

Hi Chris...

I heard the good news that you're going to be a father.  Now I can't call you Chrissy any more.  I had my doubts about you for a long time, but you proved me wrong!

The pink bathroom you wrote about doesn't threaten MY manhood.  I'm partial to lavender and puce, too, so there!

The picture of my behind was for a men's fitness magazine.  They couldn't do a frontal shot because it could've caused too much jealousy among its readers.  Again, so there!

Seriously, welcome to a brand new life!




North versus South

        (from Gym to Jim Jr, 3/24/1994) 

Dear Jim:

In your fax, you wrote you couldn't understand how we still live up North.  That's because WIMPS live in the South. I can do things here that you could never do down there:

  1. Shovel snow
  2. Chip and Chop ice
  3. Drive in blizzards, sleet and ice storms
  4. Use jumper cables to start my frozen car
  6. Wear long winter underwear (Until May)
  7. Thaw frozen pipes in the basement
  8. Use ice scraper on car windows to see icy roads
  9. Use my snow blower every few HOURS
  11. Pay large heating bills
  12. Change plain tires for snow tires ('til May)
  13. Abstain from sex (weakens me for shoveling)
  14. Sleep well;  from physical exhaustion
  16. Grocery shopping only when necessary
  17. Daring to jog on icy sidewalks without falling
  18. Getting up two hours early to dig out of snow drifts
  19. Go ice fishing
  21. See shrink monthly to fight depression
  22. Sealing all windows to keep heat inside
  23. Keep pets inside against their wills, so paws won't freeze
  24. At work, start car every two hours
  26. Keep fish tank heater working, so water won't freeze
  27. Buy rock salt, sand, more rock salt for frozen sidewalks
  28. Buy medicine for frost bite (liquid Jim Beam)
  29. Buy medicine for severe colds and flu (more liquid Jim Beam)
  30. Buy Anti-freeze for car (weekly)
  31. Buy electric blankets for bed (monthly)
  32. Buy heating pads for my recliner (monthly)
  33. Buy light shovel for Jackie
  34. Plenty of food and drinks to create body heat, like beer, brandy, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, run, tequila, vodka, gin, wine.... and chili

I know you're just jealous, Jim, because deep down you know REAL MEN live in the North country.  Maybe, some day you will let yourself experience (again) the challenge and the pleasures and treasures of living up North.

Have to close now, have another doctor appointment.

Your MACHO father,




            (from Gym to Stacy Poe in response to her "rough" soccer play)

Lesson 1 (4/21/97)

Hi Stacy!

If you are taller than your opponent, you must use your jab to keep them at bay.  They in turn will try to get inside and throw hooks and body shots.  Keep that jab in their face and counter with the right hand when they try to get inside.  If they should get inside, just tie them up with your arms so they can't punch.

If you are shorter than your opponent, you must get inside.  Let them jab and then slip under it and attack.  Once inside, stay there and keep punching.  Always keep your head lower than your opponent's, so you don't get cut.  Hands up, chin down, bob and weave.  Get inside- that's the secret.

I hope this improves your soccer game.

As you know, there's no charge for this lesson as usual, because you're family....

Your coach,


P.S.  If and when you practice with your mother, get inside.... she does not like body shots.  Please keep me informed of your progress.


Lesson 2 (from Gym and Jackie to Stacy Poe, 4/27/97)

Hi Stacy...

When jabbing or throwing your right hand, aim for the eyes, nose, mouth or chin.  Never the forehead or top of the head... that's all bone and you will only hurt your hand.  That's why the stomach is so vulnerable.  No bone there.  The chin is best, because certain parts of it, that if hit right, would cause blood to stop flowing to the brain, which causes a knockout or temporary loss of senses.  That's why you keep your hands high to protect your chin.

When practicing your jab and right hand on your mother, always be aware of her ability to punch back.  I've seen her when she's mad and it's not a pretty sight.  Don't forget- practice, practice, practice.


P.S.  I printed the letter out that you wrote and I'm keeping it because it really got to me.  When you see your dad, say hi.


Lesson 3  Boxing Tips (Advanced)

                    (from Gym and Jackie to Stacy Poe 5/2/97)

Hi Stacy...

These are more tips than lessons but they will help you.  Soak your face in pickle brine at least an hour a day.  This will make your skin like leather and prevent you from getting cut.  Just take a wash rag, soak it in the brine and place it on your face.  Your skin may look a little tough after awhile, but that's the price you pay.  Don't drink too many liquids prior to a match, it slows your reflexes and makes you logy.  Spit as much as you can- it gets rid of the excess liquids.  Eat six hours before your match and your food will digest, and you won't get sick to your stomach from body shots.

Hope these tips help in your next soccer match.


PS from Grandma J.  WHAT IS YOUR GRANDFATHER TRYING TO TRANSFORM YOU INTO?????  Aren't you still the feminine beauty we used to know?  Sure you gotta be kind of tough in soccer, but you're so FEMALE... and it shows!

PS Again-- Grandpa GYM ALWAYS DICTATES LETTERS FOR ME TO TYPE!  He did do his own to Joe tonite, though.

PS Again, Again-- Everything Grandpa is telling you is what he did when he was young.  Tonite's tips are just one of the reasons why he has to wear a jar of vaseline on his face every night.  It works on leather too.

Love from Coach GYM's secretary (without pay)

Grandma J

Lesson 4   Footwork

        (from Gym to Stacy Poe, 5/9/97)

Hi Stacy...

Footwork is very important.  If you keep your feet too close together, you can get knocked down fairly easy.  If they are too far apart, you will not be able to move fast.  So find a happy medium where you have good balance and can move quickly.

Always keep your right leg behind your left leg-- your power will come off your right leg.  Never keep your legs side by side.  You will lose power and will be off balance.  You can spit while doing this exercise.

Coach Gym

Lesson 5  Road Work

                       (from Gym to Stacy Poe, 5/18/97)

Hi Champ

When doing your road work prior to match it is best to run for distance one day (5 miles) would be adequate.  Then run sprints the next day, start off running 50 yd sprints then walking 50 yds, when you get finally tuned increase it to 100 yd sprints and 100 yds walking.  The length of the sprints will be up to you, don't over do it. 

To increase your arm strength run with weights in each hand and throw punches when your running, this really helps in keeping your hands high, they won't get as tired.

Only spit while running distance.

Your Coach

P.S.  Say hi to your mom, I forgot her name because I haven't heard from her in a long, long, long time.  This is the first letter I am sending without help, I'm getting so cocky I don't even check my spelling.

Love to your mom from her Dad (In case she forgot).

Lesson 6 Boxing Tips

                      (from Gym to Stacy Poe, 5/22/97)

Hi Champ:

Don't forget to work on your stomach muscles.  Situps are good but a medicine ball really tightens those abs up.  You lie on the floor, knees bent, you have someone stand over you and hit your stomach with the ball.  Just before impact, tighten your stomach muscles.  Then toss the ball back to whoever is throwing it.  It also gives your arms a good workout.  You don't have to spit doing this exercise.  Work it up slowly to 50 times.

Your coach,


Lesson 7  The Mouth-piece

                      (from Gym to Stacy Poe, 6/1/97)

Hi, Champ...

You should wear a mouth piece.  A lot of people think it's to protect your teeth, but what it really does is protect your lips from cutting when you get hit in the mouth.  When you get hit in the mouth, the lip hits the teeth which are sharp, and that causes a cut lip.  A lot of sports are making it a requirement to wear a mouthpiece.

I'd hate to see you walking around with a fat lip.

Your coach,


P.S.  Congratulations on your graduation, and I hope College will be just as successful as your high school career.  It'll be a great experience.


Lesson 8  Boxing Career

                  (from Gym to Stacy Poe, 6/16/97)


Now that you're done with your soccer career you should give serious thought to a boxing career.  Ladies boxing is getting very popular and the money is good.  I would be your manager and trainer.  All we would have to do is hire a cut man the night of your fights.  I would get you a couple of amateur fights first before turning you pro.  I know a promoter that would guarantee US ten straight wins and you keep all the money.  After that I would get a third of all monies made, you keep the rest plus pick up the expenses.  That's a pretty good deal since I will be trainer and manager. 

Think about it.

I can see your name in lights already.... STACY "PUNISHING POE" WORLD CHAMPION.

I'm excited already.  I have a contract for you to sign, but want you to take your time.  Let me know by Wednesday, 06/18/97.

Your trainer and manager,



Cry Baby!

       (From Chris Poe to Gym, 4/28/97)

Hey!  I am terribly disappointed in you! 

I finally get a chance to be on line and check my mail, and there's nothing from you in here. What?  I don't exist!  You're killing me here! 

Well how's things going with you Mr. "I'm too good to write to my grandson in FL"?  Just you wait, when I get up there around the 4th of July I'm going to show you some fireworks!  I thought everything was fine and dandy, but I guess you think otherwise.

Well I hope you can take your medicine like a man.  After we take care of the boxing lessons outside, I'll get your butt on the b-ball court and show you some new tricks. And we'll probably have to quit cause you'll be whining about your knees or your back.  Anything to stop the pain of losing! 

Well I'll be writing soon!


The Challenge

     (from Gym to Chris Poe, 4/29/97)

Hey Dip-Dip:

I didn't send you email because your mother said you are seldom on line.  But now you're getting OUT OF LINE.  Listen, yo-yo, when you come here in July, bring your checkbook or cash.  I've got the sports picked out.  Boxing, handball, squash, racquetball, badminton and tennis. 

Now we will see who's the man.... The only problem with this lineup is if we do the boxing first, you won't be able to compete in the rest of the events.  And, YA-hoo -- make sure to bring proof of medical insurance.  I can't be responsible for your health.

Listen, Putz, don't let my age fool you; it's what's upstairs that counts--and you and I know who leads in that category.

Also, Whip-Whip, like your Dolphins' coach, Jimmy Johnson said:  "If you talk the talk, you have to walk the walk".  Are you starting to get nervous Christine??????

Well, Zero, I have to go to the gym now and spar a few rounds and kick some butt.

Signed, KILLER

p.s.  It figures you would call yourself "malibu" -- that means "sweetheart" in Hawaiian.

No More Mr. Nice Guy (THE CHALLENGE)

                 (from Gym to Adam Krueger, 6/4/97)

Ok, Dip-Dip

I'm Ready. Don't Forget To Bring Your Money And Ask Your Mommy To Lend You A Few Dollars.  If You Have A Piggy Bank, Bring That Too.  Seeing Its My Ball And Basket I Set The Rules.

1- You Must Wear A Head Gear So You Don't Get Punchy From All The Head Blows

2- Don't Eat Before You Play Because If You Get Hit In The Stomach (By Accident) You Might Get Sick

3- Bring Your Own First Aid Kit To Help Stop The Bleeding

4- Your Mommy has To Stay At Home

5- Yo-Yo Has To Stay At Home

6- No Witnesses To This Slaughter

7- If An Ambulance Needs To Be Called, The Person Hurt Has To Pay For It And The Hospital Stay.

8- Make Sure Your Medical Insurance Is Paid Up.

9- Your Mommy Will Have To Sign A Waiver That I Am Not Responsible For Any Injuries You May Incur.

10- Good Luck And May The Good Lord Protect You (Ha-ha-ha)

The Intimidator

(Gym Rules!!!)


                     (from Gym to Adam Krueger, 6/9/97)

Hi, Dip-Dip

Just As I Thought, You Chickened Out This Weekend.  I Waited For You For Three Days And As I Thought --You Were A No-Show.

A lot of Talk And No Action, Which I Suspected.  Go Back And Play With The Girls, Someone Maybe You Can Beat.  Your Mommy Was Probably Afraid You Would Get Hurt, And You Would Have.  Your Safe Now So Relax And Enjoy Playing With The Girls. 

Got To Go Now And Beat Up On Some Neighborhood Kids.

Mr. Awesome

Things You Don't Do

               (from Gym to Adam Kruger, 2/24/1998) 

Hey Jocko...

Remember, there are certain things you don't do. 

1: Never spit into the wind. 

2: Never fool with batman's utility belt. 

3: Never touch the Lone Ranger's mask. 

4: Don't ever touch Darth Vader's light-saber. 

5: Never pull Godzilla's tail. 

6: Don't swing on Tarzan's vine. 

7: Don't hang on Superman's cape.  

8: Don't go near Holyfield's ears. 

9: Never climb on Hulk Hogan's back. 

10: Don't SWING Jack Nicklaus' clubs. 

11: Never attempt to block Jordan's dunks. 

12: Don't ever, and I mean EVER, challenge the Swift White Fox, Boom-Boom, Gym, Terminator, Destroyer, Rocky, Mr. Awesome, Jolting, King, Enforcer, Intimidator and RULER.  You could get seriously maimed for life.  Would you want to limp around on crutches with casts all over your body????  I THINK NOT.



Lost Son

               (from Gym to Dan White, 5/2/97)


I am looking for my son Dan.  When last seen, he lived in San Jose, CA.  I know he is out there and suspect there may be some foul play.

He looks like me, except I am better looking... He is build like me, but I am more muscular.  He is my height, unless he is wearing his shoe lifts, then he is taller.  If anyone out there knows his whereabouts, please E-MAIL me immediately.

There will be no reward for finding him, but it will be greatly appreciated.  Your input will be kept private and personal.  Thank you all for helping me in these trying times.  God will reward you, I can't afford it.


Selling the House

              (from Gym to Lauren Krueger, 5/21/97)

Dear Lauren...

As you can tell I am typing slow because of my weak condition.  But don't worry about my poor health.

I want you to know I am considering selling my house and moving far, far away.  The reason I am thinking of moving is because of the expense to me from your visits.  Yesterday I figured out when you and Adam come during the week, it costs me $29.35 for food and beverages for the week.  Your mother's total for food and hard beverage comes to $33.60 a week and that adds up to $250.80 a month.  That would buy a lot of food and beverage for Mimmere, Mollie, Barney and me.  As it is now, we eat one meal a day.  We let Barney and Mollie out at night to hunt for food and so far Mollie lost seven pounds.  I don't think she's doing too well.

I'll be right back, I have to take my medicine..........

I'm back.

Being old and in poor health and Mimmere crying a lot (cuz she's always hungry),  I must consider moving.  I do have a solution only you can help with.  If you and Adam and your mother can visit without eating and drinking (the drinking part will be hard for your mother),  I would not have to sell my house.  If you love Mimmere, PaJimmy, Mollie and Barney, this should be easy to decide.  I know your mom doesn't cook a lot, but ask her to get your lovely children microwave meals.  You and Adam can make them yourself.  Then mommy will have more time for her sauce....

I must go now because I don't feel well.  Mimmere is crying again, Millie is barking and Barney is wailing for food.  I don't want to move, but it's Mims health that I'm worried about.  Don't worry about me.  As long as I take my medicine, shots, and oxygen every two hours I will be all right.  Mollie will be all right when I find her a good home with dog food.

Love, Pa (cough, cough) Jimmy

P.S.  I'm sorry this is such a short letter, but I have a doctor appointment for my bleeding ulcers.

Just say NO to Gardening

                    (from Gym to Lisa Kruger, 6/11/97)

    [NOTE: Lisa Krueger works at a garden and gifts store known as Stein's Garden]

Hey, Weed Grower

I hear you planted a garden... ha-ha-ha.  What did you plan to grow, two veggies? ha-ha-ha.  The only thing you can grow is old.  Do not sneak over to my house when I'm not home and steal my veggies like you did last year.  This year I am counting all my veggies and there better not be any missing.

Why don't you buy your veggies at a store and save all that embarrassment.  I have the green thumb, but all you got is green with envy.

Even the rabbits would not eat your two veggies.  They have pride, too.  You look like a farmer but you sure don't know how to grow veggies.  Why don't you take up a hobby like watching TV, I think you could handle that, once you find out what the off and on buttons stand for.

Must go now and water my crops



Your New Hobby - TV Cartoons

                    (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 6/12/97)

Hey Einstein...

Did you figure out the On/Off button yet on your TV? 

Step 1:  When you want to watch your cartoons, press the "on" button.  You will see a picture appear on your TV set.  If the cartoons don't show on the screen, you must change the channel. 

Step 2:  Find the channel button. Keep clicking it until you get a channel showing cartoons.  Now sit and watch. 

Step 3:  If you can't hear your cartoons, go to the volume button (VOL).  You will see an arrow pointing "up" -- that means when you press the VOL button pointing up, you will hear a louder noise.  I fit gets too loud, go to the VOL button pointing down, and it will get quieter.

Step 4:  When you are done watching your cartoons, go to the "off" button.  Just press it, and your cartoons will disappear!  If for some reason you want to see more cartoons, go back to Step 1.

I realize these instructions are complicated, but you sit down for a couple of hours and read Steps 1 through 4, I think you'll be able to get your cartoons.  If you cannot understand these instructions on how to operate a TV and get cartoons, call me by phone and I will talk you thru steps 1 thru 4.

Warning:  Do not try to operate your TV alone.  Have Lauren or Adam near-by to help you.  If you cannot get cartoons on any of the channels, TRY THE TREE STOOGES!

Good luck and may God be with you and guide you to the channels.

Your TV Expert-



Hose Guidance

                   (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 6/14/97)


I did not want to tell you but I got a call from Adam yesterday.  He claims you do not know how to use a hose, that is why your veggies die.

There is a faucet on the outside of your home where you attach your hose.  When attached and you want water coming out of the opposite end, turn the handle clockwise (that's to the right).  Now you notice water coming out the end that is not attached to the house.  Now you can water those dead veggies.

In the past ,Adam told me you did not know how to turn on the water and just stood there, hose in hand with no water coming out, that's why you always have dead veggies.  When you're done watering your dead veggies, turn the handle counter-clockwise (that's to the left), now the water will stop coming out the end not connected to the house.  I know it's hard to remember clockwise, counter-clockwise, left, right and the end the water come out, but with practice even you can figure it out.

Just remember clockwise ON;  counter-clockwise OFF; or right turn, ON and left turn, OFF.  If you cannot figure the operation of the hose, don't be embarrassed just ask Adam or Lauren.






Steins Gardens??? ha-ha-ha-ha

                    (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 6/17/97)


Well Steins did it again.  I bought four peony plants from Minors and one from Steins.  The ones from Minors are four feet high and the one from Steins is twelve inches high.  All were planted at the same time.

How can you keep selling inferior products??  Next time you come over here to eat and drink, come up for air and check the plants out for yourself.

Last week at Steins I asked a 15 yr old plant wizard where the PEAT MOSS was, he said we don't have a PETE MOSS working here.  I said I want PEAT MOSS to put in dirt, he said I should not do that to another human being.

Where do you get your help....SKID ROW??.  Going to Steins should be a pleasure, not a nervous breakdown.

Must go now and take my medicine.



Hoes & Hoses

                     (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 6/19/97)

Hey, Thunderstruck...

Stein's did it again.  I went to buy a HOE.  I asked one of your brain-damaged experts where the HOES were located.  He asked if I wanted a rubber or vinyl HOSE.  I said they were made of wood and metal-- he laughed at me!  He asked what I wanted it for, and I said to break up the soil and get rid of weeds.  He said a HOSE wouldn't do that.  I said my HOES did that in the past...

He asked how I stores my HOES.  I said I just hung them on a hook.  He said they should be coiled or put on a HOSE RACK.  I asked how can you coil HOES-- he said they're very flexible.  He wanted to know how many feet of HOSE I wanted --50 feet?  I said are you nuts-- they're all the same, about five feet long.  He asked what I would HOSE with five feet.  I said everything.  He said it's impossible to reach everything with a five foot HOSE.

I told him I could HOE my font, back and sides of my house with a five-foot HOE.  He called me a liar!  I told him to take his HOES and shove it and he said that's hard to do with fifty feet of HOSE!

Your frustrated but thoughtful and loving, caring, father



                        (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 7/11/97)

Hey, Weedmaster...

Went to Stein's again.  Asked one of your teenage experts... "Where do you keep your stakes?"  He said "We don't sell STEAKS here"... I told him I need stakes for my tomatoes.  He said I would have to "eat" steaks without tomatoes.  I told BRAIN-DEAD I did not want to EAT the stakes, I wanted to plant them in the ground.  He said STEAKS don't grow in the ground like tomatoes.  I said, "okay, do you have supporters for tomatoes?"  He said I would have to buy supporters at a sporting goods store.

I left and went to Minors (A REAL GARDEN CENTER).

Please don't have your help wear the shirts that read "I'm here to help you" - You could get sued!

Your caring, loving, tender-hearted, gentle father,



                    (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 7/12/97)

Hey,  Thunderstruck...

I asked one of your high school dropouts-and-tree experts where the FIRS were located.  He said Stein's does not sell FURS.  I asked if Steins sold trees, he said yes, I said then you must have FIRS.  The expert said "you have to go to a FURRIER for FURS.  I said, okay, do you have a YEW?  He said "why would I have ME?"  I said I don't want ME, I want YEW.  He said I couldn't have him and called me a pervert.

I lost it then and ended up at Minors - again.

Your thoughtful, caring, considerate and patient father


Brown Thumb White

                  (from Lisa Kruger to Gym, 7/12/97) 

Dear Gentle caring, loving, & tender-hearted Boom Boom.

Here is a list of things you should do with your weekends:

1.  Don't hang out at Steins. Our FINE young employees have better things to do than listen to a pest who cannot speak correctly and say his words right.

2.  Tend to your sad little garden that needs all the help it can get.

3.  Try Miracle Grow it can help you get, maybe a tomato or two.

4.  Come and see a REAL garden, at my house.

5.  Take speech lessons...Fast, so our teenagers can learn to understand you.

6.  Call Jack Stein, he understands your speech problems and he is worried about you. He wants to help. Maybe if you are nice he will give you a tomato from his garden. (remember I still have not told him you shop at Minors...that inferior garden place).

7.  Look up Green Thumb in the dictionary, and see what it really means. You don't have one.

8.  Stick to hostas.

Take this list and keep it so you know what to do with your time. I will pray for you. And don't bother my talented teenagers any more.

YOUR Sweet good natured and ever loving gardening champ of a daughter,



              (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 8/7/97) 

Hey, Round Head

Thanks For The Two Pickles You Left Me, Or Were They Cukes???  I Did Not Know They Grew That Small.

We Are Now Picking My Fresh Red, Ripe, Top Of The Line Tomatoes.  As I Told You Before, Do Not Try And Take Any Of My Veggies When I Am Not Home.  If I Catch Jackie Giving You Any There Will Be Hell To Pay.

If You Want Veggies Go To The Store.  Got To Go Now And Make A Huge Home Grown Salad.

Eat Your Heart Out.

Your Generous, Thoughtful Father

Boom Boom


              (from Gym to Lisa Kruger, 1/10/1998) 

Dear Martha:

I want to apologize for leaving those pistachios out.  They were WORMY and I just wanted to see how big the WORMS got; that's why I didn't throw them away.

I'm surprised you didn't see them or taste that WORMY flavor.  I hope you don't get sick - it takes a couple of days and those WORMS in your stomach will breed.  Just the thought makes me sick.  I'm surprised Jake didn't say anything.  She knew.  She was probably in the bathroom when you ate those WORMY pistachios.

One more thing - I really can't remember if it takes 12 or 18 WORMY pistachios to get bad effects.  How many did you say you ate????

Again, I'm very sorry.

Your thoughtful, loving, affectionate and concerned father,



Using AND Abusing Me

                    (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 6/23/97)

Hey Ma Barker

I don't mind that you and those kids eat and sleep here but I did ask you and those kids not to breathe deeply when I am running the air conditioning.  It costs me a lot of money to run the air conditioning.  I asked you and those kids to please take short breaths and you and those kids did not.

If you and those kids cannot abide by my rules next time you and those kids sleep and eat in the basement.

Another thing, when you and those kids arrived here you were carrying over night bags that were half empty, when you and those kids left the bags were bulging.  I am not accusing you and those kids of taking anything but we are missing quite a few things since you and those kids left.  Next time I will have to inspect all of you and those kids baggage before you and those kids leave.

Again I repeat I am not accusing you and those kids of anything.  It's a shame when you can't trust family.



P.S. How can you eat so much at one time, You're amazing.


                  (from Gym to Adam Krueger, 6/25/97)

Hey Alice OOPS-- I mean Adam!

I hear you got a thorn in your foot.  Grab a pair of pliers and yank it out.  When I was your age, I had to walk to school barefooted, and that was in winter!

No fear, ROCKY'S here!


             (from Gym to Lisa 6/25/97)

Hey, Looney Tunes...

Is there no end to your madness...you eat my food, take over the beds, breathe my air conditioning, and only God knows what you and those kids took home.  Now you borrow my only two fans to dry out your basement.   You're so full of hot air, all you have to do is sit in your basement for an hour and breathe-- it would dry real fast.

I'm surprised you didn't try to use my extension cord for the fans and plug it in my house so you wouldn't have to use your own electricity.

Please give me a break for a couple of days and go bother your neighbors.

Your deeply caring and sensitive father,


           From Gym to Lisa Krueger

Hi, Julia Childs...

AWARD WINNING GARDEN????? Hahahahahahahaha You certainly deserve an award, but not for gardening. I know working for Stein's makes you an expert, but I think your expertise in vegetable gardening is a little lacking. I know it is difficult to grow peppers and tomatoes. You have to put them in the ground, then water them occasionally. That takes a lot of know-how! I'll repeat: PUT THE PLANTS IN THE GROUND, THEN WATER THEM WHEN DRY. I realize that's hard for you to comprehend (that means understand), but keep this E-Mail and refer to it next year.

Plant and water; plant and water; plant and water; plant and water; plant and water!

I really don't mind you sneaking over here to steal my tomatoes and peppers. At least those two kids, whatever their names are, would get fresh vegetables instead of canned. You would be lost if there weren't any MCDONALDS, BURGER KING, COUSINS SUBS, WENDY'S, PIZZA HUT, DOMINO'S, KENTUCKY FRIED CHICKEN, SUBWAY SANDWICH, TACO BELL and GEORGE WEBB. Now that's wholesome home cooking.

Do those two kids, whatever-their-names-are, know what HOME cooking means? (Made at home). Try it sometime, and you will be amazed and they will be shocked at how good it tastes. Thank God for school lunches. At least they get ONE good meal a day.

Must go now and do my housework.

Your loving, concerned, caring and HEALTHY father, Boom-Boom

P.S. Tuesday night when you dropped in on us with Adam and Lauren, we noticed how Adam gobbled up the leftover fish Jackie hadn't finished. Doesn't that send a message to you???? What do you want--the poor kid to get SCURVY!


                  (from Gym to Lisa Krueger, 8/2/98) 

Hey Martha!

So, BIG DEAL, you have a red tomato!  That's the color it's supposed to be (duh).

Just so you know, we picked a pickle, a green pepper, and them little green onions for our salad tonight.

I guarantee you, in a couple weeks you will be over here, begging for my huge, juicy, delicious tomatoes.  I told your mother (that's Jackie, DUH), if you want huge, juicy, delicious tomatoes, you must pay!  I'm charging $.35 per (for family).  If that's too steep, go to Pick "N Save...

If your kids, whatever their names are, come over here, they can share our crops, but they have to eat it HERE.  It's probably the only thing they get HEALTHY all summer long.

Have you ever cooked a meal from scratch for those kids?  Or use your oven?  That's the big cavity located beneath the burners on your stove top????

That blond kid of yours, the boy, knows every fast food restaurant in town, plus what they serve.  That's SAD.

I must go now.  Some neighbors came by and want a tour of my garden.

May God have mercy on your soul.


Mr. Awesome!!!!


Dining with Mom

              (from Gym to Adam & Lauren Krueger, 2/17/02) 

To my grandchildren, Adam & Lauren

If I had a video camera on my trip to Florida with your mother, I would be worth a lot of money.  The TV Program "Believe It Or Not By Ripley" or the TV program "You Gotta See This", would pay big bucks for it.

When I arrived at Orlando Airport on Feb. 8, your mother and Michelle met me at the airport.  From there we were going to Clearwater.  Your mother asked if we could stop for something to eat on the way.  I had eaten on the plane and Michelle and Lisa had dinner just before they picked me up.  After driving for half an hour, we stopped at a restaurant.  Michelle ordered a diet Pepsi and I had a cup of coffee.  Your mother ordered a double club sandwich, a side of hash browns, a side of onion rings and a large coke. On the way out, she grabbed a bag of Doritos to last her until we got to Clearwater.

Friday night around 9:00 o'clock, we met the rest of the family at the hotel bar.  When the server asked your mom what she wanted to drink, she said she would have the house special, an ounce and a half of vodka with a glass of ginger ale for a chase.  It's called a shooter.  I had a small beer.  Within 45 min. your mom had four more 'shooters'.  I was getting concerned about her.  The disk jockey that was playing requests asked if anyone wanted to sing a song.  Before I could stop her, your mother flew up on stage, and patriotically asked to sing "God Bless America" which she did, off key, to a mixture of boos and cheers (the boos were for the off keying).  Then I suggested she stop drinking 'shooters' and she did.  She switched to Margaritas - the rest of the night.

At 2:00 A.M., your mother wanted to go to the Waffle House (open 24 hrs) where she ordered three pecan waffles, a side order of bacon, biscuits & gravy and coffee.  For desert she ordered a double hot fudge sundae.  At 3:30 I told her she should get some sleep.  I walked her to the elevator and said I'd be up in ten minutes.

When I got up to the room, the noise that came from your mother was a combo of snoring, thunderous groans, and loud whistling wheezes.  I was kind of scared.  It felt like the walls were shaking!  I called the front desk to get another room, but they were filled up.  I was embarrassed because the people in the next room kept pounding on the walls to keep the noise down.  I couldn't sleep so I took a long walk and spent the rest of the night-early morning in the hotel lobby.

I called your mom at 9:00 o'clock to wake her and told her to meet me in the lobby at ten o'clock.  When she came down, her first words were, "can we go to the Waffle House?"  The server brought menus, which was a mistake.  She ordered a Cheese & Ham omelet, sausage, toast, hash browns, a side of pancakes, coffee and pie.  I had coffee.  On the way out, she grabbed a bag of chips.

For the rest of the day we just hung out at the hotel.  The wedding was at 4:00 o'clock.  Luckily for your mom, there were appetizers served before the dinner, which wasn't until 6:30.  At the dinner, there were some empty table settings and when the server asked your mom if they were 'no shows' - she said "No, they'll be a little late".  She had her eye on the extra salads, chicken, etc., etc.  Then she went at it.  But she did wait until she finished her own meal.

After the celebration was over - and it was pretty late, she wanted to stop at the Waffle House AGAIN!

And that was only ONE night and ONE day of the wedding trip.

I can't go on. It would take too long to record everything else she ate.

Pa Jimmy


Customs and Traditions

   (to Joe Grillo from Gym, 9/5/97 upon Joe requesting his daughter's hand in marriage)

How, Joe...

I don't know Italian customs or traditions for marriage, but as a native American we also have ours.

When a young BUCK (you) wants to marry into the tribe, he must ask the CHIEF (me) for permission. It takes a least three moons before the decision is made and/or accepted. In the meantime the BUCK (you) must show your gratitude to the CHIEF (me) during that time.

In the past when we were on the reservation, the Buck would bring horses, pelts, beads, and blankets to show his wealth, gratitude and sincerity towards the Chief's daughter.  Now, in modern day times, I cannot accept horses, pelts, (beads & blankets are still optional), however, a nice car with plenty of horse-POWER would do nicely. It would show proper respect.

The year of the car would show how much you think of my daughter, RAINDROP. Let your heart be your guide.

CHIEF SWIFT WHITE FOX III   --------> Read the Wedding Toast below.

Wedding Toast

                 (from Gym to Michelle & Joe Grillo, 7/1/98) 

Hi Family:

This was my toast to Michelle & Joe at their wedding. I forgot a few key words, because I didn't want to read it because what I had to say came from the heart.

After Dan's toast, he introduced me as Jim White.

Here goes:

"My real name is Swift White Fox, III. Many moons ago, when I left the reservation, I changed my name to Jim White because I thought it would be easier to find work and also mingle with you white folks.

We had a custom on the reservation when a young buck wanted to marry a young maiden, that he would bring to her father, beads, blankets and a couple of horses to show his respect and wealth. When I found out Joe was going to marry my daughter, I called him in California. I explained our customs from the reservation, but, now that I lived in the big city, I didn't need beads, blankets or a horse - but I could use some cash and a car with a lot of horse POWER. We ended our conversation, and I sat back and waited and waited and waited. I did not get ONE RED CENT (pardon the pun) for my daughter, RAINDROP. I should explain I named her Raindrop, because she wet her pants when she was a little girl.

I would like to make a toast, but first, Raindrop, I want you to know that you will always be my little girl and you are so special to me, and I love you very much.

Joe:  This is not easy. I am not mad at you any longer because you didn't send me cash or a car - but I love you too.  Now for the toast.



Guacamole Dip

                  (from Gym to Dan 9/26/97)

Dear Dan...

I'm really surprised at Michelle and Joe for making you eat that GUACAMOLE DIP, which caused you to get food poisoning.  It seems strange they did not get sick from the same GUACAMOLE DIP that you ate, too.  It seems almost a cruel way of showing appreciation for the engagement party you threw them.

I know what you must have gone through eating that bad GUACAMOLE DIP.  In the past, I went to a few COCKTAIL PARTIES where they served martinis, manhattans, scotch, gin and bourbon with GUACAMOLE DIP, and I got sick too.  It must have been that damn GUACAMOLE DIP that poisoned my system.

The next time you party, pass on the GUACAMOLE DIP and test how you feel the next day.  If you get up feeling fine, then you know it was the GUACAMOLE DIP that you had in the past that caused your FOOD poisoning.

Give me the name of the company that made the GUACAMOLE DIP and I'll give them a piece of my mind and tell them what you went through.

Your caring father,


Out to Get You

          (From Gym to Dan White)

Dear Dan:

I can't believe they did it to you again! They poisoned you with that guacamole dip at the engagement party in California, and now when you're asleep in Florida, they gouge your foot. My God, don't Michelle and Joe have any compassion?

I heard you did not feel good in the mornings. That's probably because they "laced" your food. Dan, you have to STOP EATING FOOD when you're around Michelle and Joe. Just stick to the DRINKING, because I know you can handle that. Why they do this to you is beyond me. Did anyone else get gouged or sick in the morning?? If so, warn them about Michelle and Joe.

Love, Your CONCERNED Father



                  (from Gym to Family 10/7/97)

Dear Family...

As of this date (Oct. 7), Jackie and I are celebrating 25 years, five months, one week and three days of wedded bliss.  Please do not try to contact us by phone or email.  We want this day to be special with NO interruptions.

At 8:00 A.M. tomorrow, we are going to McDonald's for the EGG MCMUFFIN special, and for dessert their famous hot apple pies.  When we return home we are going to sit down and go through the family photo album and reminisce.

For lunch it's our own special treat at Burger King, enjoying a Whopper, French Fries and a Shake (aren't we naughty).  In the afternoon we will repeat our wedding vows (if we remember the wording) and read poetry to each other which we have collected over the years of our fabulous marriage.  We are so excited, we can't wait.

The evening will be a VERY SPECIAL OCCASION.  We bought two candles and a bottle of the best Mogen David we could find.  For dinner we selected two of our favorite TV dinners.  I chose my favorite Vegetable Lasagna (yummy), and Jackie picked Mrs. Paul's Fish Fillets.  After our gourmet delight, it's a trip to the Video Store for our favorite movie "Dial M for Murder", that wonderful movie classic where the husband tries to have his rich wife murdered.  When we take a break in the movie, Jackie will make popcorn and lemonade.  We are both excited for this celebration to begin.  Before bedtime we will drink some warm milk to help us relax and get a good night's sleep.

Please feel free to call or e-mail us AFTER Tuesday.  By then we should be ready to resume our normal lives after the gala celebration we have planned.

You will be in our thoughts-- but not until AFTER our conjugal celebration.


BOOM-BOOM & JAKE (a/k/a "Jesus Jackie")


              (from Gym to Michelle Grillo, undated )

Dear Michelle

Well I got in trouble again and it was not my fault.  Here is what happened.  I was taking my usual jog late afternoon when a widow up the block stopped me (she remembered me from summer, wearing shorts and no shirt in the backyard).   She asked if I could look at her refrigerator in the basement, as it was not working.  Being the handyman I am I said sure.  To my surprise all that was wrong was it was unplugged.  I thought that was strange, when I came upstairs she was in her bathrobe.  I thought that was strange.  She thanked me and asked if I would like a cocktail ,(normally I don't drink) but I said yes.  While sitting at the kitchen table drinking and talking, she grabbed my hand and squeezed and had that "look" in her eye.  Well, it happened, we had an affair, I couldn't help it, she over powered me.  I felt ashamed and guilty but after all, she was a Senior Citizen in need.

What happened next really got out of hand.  She told the other widows in the neighborhood what took place, because soon after that three more approached me to do some minor repair work for them.  I tried to accommodate them at first but requests would not stop.  Jogging ceased, my health was failing, I was losing weight, could not sleep at night and my nerves were shattered.

Jackie finally confronted me when she noticed the change in my everyday habits and my deteriorating health.  I finally confessed and what a relief.  Although I did have to make some concessions:

  1. No more night jogging
  2. Cannot wear shorts in the summer
  3. Must wear a shirt at all times
  4. Cannot take my "tool case" out of the house
  5. Cannot sit in the backyard in summer alone
  6. Must be in the house by 7:00 P.M.
  7. Cannot converse with single women in the neighborhood

The rules will be hard to abide by but in life you have to make your family and health come first.  The neighborhood will never be the same, but at least I brought some happiness to the lonely besides doing "minor repair" jobs free.

The former neighborhood Handy Man


P.S.  Most of the repairs admittedly were unplugged cords and screwing in light bulbs


Training Guide for Security Job


1.  There are two kinds of envelopes.  One kind has no name and address; the other kind has a name and address.

2.  The no-name and address is used for sending a message to someone or some place whose name and address is to be put on the envelope. The name-and-address envelope is to be picked up.

3.  The person picking up the envelope has their name on the envelope, because it is addressed to him/her.

4.  Get identification from the person picking up the envelope.

5.  If the name on the envelope matches the name of the person picking up the envelope, it is permitted to hand the envelope to such a person.

6.  Destroy these instructions when the envelope instruction is understood and carried out.

7.  If there is any confusion, refer to your Manual.


                                      One Team with One Vision

                                                   Can Lick ANYTHING!



1.  The light switch controls the lights.

2.  If light switch is in the "up" position, it is ON.

3.  If light switch is n the "down" position, it is OFF.

4.  Click light switch in the "up" position when it is dark.

5.  Click light switch in the "down" position when it is light.

6.  If confused about switch position, check your watch.  If it is nighttime, put the light switch position in the "up" position.  If it is daytime, the switch must be in the down position.

7.  If you haven't a watch, put the light switch in the "down" position.  If you bump into walls, fall down, and trip and generally cannot see, put the switch in the "up" position.

8.  If you are confused, refer to instructions 4 and 5.  Follow carefully and you will be able to put the light switch in the up position (ON) and/or in the down position (OFF).


Your Source         Your Solution



1.  There are four types of I.D. Badges: Employee badges, visitor badges, contractor badges and training class badges.

2.  Employee badges are for employees working at the 4900 building, 4300 building, 9000 building, North Water building and its branches. Check to be sure they are active employees, and not terminated.

3.  Visitor badges are for people who are visiting. A person wearing a visitor badge must be escorted at all times. You are responsible to phone the person the visitor is visiting.

4.  Contractor badges are for contractors, i.e., A.T.T., Uihlein, Racol, Micard, Toepper, Honeywell, Weplo, Syntel, IBM, Tandem, ACI, Memoter, EMC, Kodak, UPS, Grunau, DataCard, Fleet, Entex, to cite examples.

5.  Training Class badges are for people who are here in training. Training classes are held in training rooms located in the Training Center or in training rooms.

6.  Use discretion issuing badges. Lives may be saved or at least proper directions given to the proper destination. Stay Alert.

Be Cautious


Wear Clean Underwear





























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